Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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