brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
