so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
