absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
