whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
