you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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