You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
