Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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