Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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