You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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