the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
