That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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