so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize