I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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