If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
