how can u be prego again
Your tits are I can't wait for
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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