Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
