The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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