chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
