There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
whose ass print is on the piano?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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