i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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