I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
