Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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