You smell like a Billy Joel song
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
