Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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