Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
