I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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