you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
