i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
