Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize