she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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