I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
the liver wants what the liver wants
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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