I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
