the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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