Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
