the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
