ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
