He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
