For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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