I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize