Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize