She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
