you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
