my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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