I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize