Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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