I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
