my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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