I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
