Whod you bang
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize