Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
