mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
it was like eating out sand paper
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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