So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
