The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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