I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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