I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize