Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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