Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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