I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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