We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
