He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He felt like a one man threesome
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
