Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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