it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
