Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
