I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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