i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize