birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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