And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
