Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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