whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
