I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
What a fucking waste of an outfit
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
