i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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