He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
