She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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