Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize