I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
