every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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