she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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