Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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