We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
