i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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