awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
