its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
