did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
