her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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