Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
