Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(862): View more from New Jersey

textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me

(973): View more from New Jersey

that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.

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(757): View more from Virginia

So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof

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(416): View more from Toronto

he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.

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(805): View more from California

you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly

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(415): View more from California

i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth

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(513): View more from Ohio

Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.

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