I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
