He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize